Mouthphone

What`s the point with a touchscreen if you can`t put it in your mouth? I want a candy flavoured iPhone!!!! UÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!! 


I want to download candy!!!!! And soft drinks whenever I like it. Like an Soda app dispenser. And I want it now. NOW!!!! Hello?!! Apple, are you home. What makes you think I want to talk al the time. The least listen!!!!!!! Come on! Who listens?! Thats sooo analoge. Man, I don`t listen to anything. Not even myself. Or half the music I download illegal come to think of it. Which makes me less criminal. Yeah, I`m not so bad when you get to know me. I`ve never used any of the stuff I`ve stolen. Partly cause I don`t know how to use it and party because I don`t know what it is or where I put it. Man, I need attention. 

I got crabs

Yeah, I had to go to the doctor today. Turned out it was yoghurt. I have no idea how it got there. Funny thing is, I have no memory since last time I visited the doctor. She gave me a prescription for cough medicine. It tasted so god I drank the whole bottle and bough 4000 years worth of supply. By the following Monday it was gone. I can`t remember witch month, but it`s after 2000 cause I didn`t have green hair before that. Which is another mystery all on itself. Anyway, I ate the yoghurt and went home to watch some tv. I wasn`t on the news so however it got there it can`t be that bad. 

Making flat screen tv

I threw my grandfathers tv out the window and it didn`t go flat. I thought second floor would do the job... apparently not. So I`m taking it back to the store. There`s an eternal gravity warranty on these things. It should turn flat when you throw it from 9 meters.

Photo Alan Stanton

App Jam

I love to press all the apps at once. Like I did on the call system at huge apartment buildings in my 20`s to see what happens. Not with my own off course, but people I love, owe money or feel don`t pay enough mobile bills. I would never do it to an elephant dough. I`m against animal cruelty, except for when I eat meat or vegetables that was meant for pet food.

I`m opening a second hand store for apps. I feel there`s a need for not so great apps that cost more than the new onces.

 Photo marcopako 

ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ

ÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆ!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!! Æ!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!ÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!! ÆÆ!!!!!!!!   ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!! ÆÆ!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!! ÆÆÆ!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!!! ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ!!!!!!

Thats code for crazy in case you didn`t catch up on it. It reads It`s Saturday night! I`LL WATCH SNL, THEN I`LL THROW MY TV SET OUT THE WINDOW!!!!!!!  (PS to my neighbours, please don`t be close to my window when SNL finnish and if you could avoid call the cops that would be great. How can I possibly explain my plans for this evening with cop logic. These acts of madness do not lend themselves to explanatory situations. Their brain candy. You need to be not police, tilted or work on some other level  to understand the extremejoy.

Powerbab!!!

I want a kebab so spicy the meat catch fire. So strong it explodes in my mouth. The one you can only get in Iraq.

Problem producer

Fuck man, when I watch the news, I feel like, I want to do that too. This is my destiny. Create trouble on a scale unknown to mankind. Hit it, baby! Ugh!

I need something to destroy,anything...

My car tattoo
I feel like trashing something, do some serious damage London style. I owe it to my destructive nature. To the @#%&%$ and the %$#& amp;amp;amp;amp;%$% & am p;amp; amp;**2@$ and the ??????????

I think I`ll rebel against... damn I need a cause. But there is nothing out there I care about except me and I can`t rebel against myself. That`s against logic. Okay, I`ll take eggs. I`m against eggs. Everything with egg, pancakes... wait a minute. I like pancakes. Okay, carrots, I`m against carrots.

When I don`t have a future carrots shall not have a future either. They all have to leave the country or conform to apples.

Photo PinkMoose

My cribb


When I become President of the world I`ll buy China and secure my supplies of Chinese food. I`ll point at a lot of stuff and say I want that and if they don`t give it to me I`ll bomb them. Then after I get it I`ll bomb them anyway. I`ll get myself a new pair of sneakers, my own custom built spaceship with sauna and skybar. Then I`ll send someone else to fix all the problems in the world and blow up the moon. It irritates me. Then I`ll probably watch The West Wing and have a good laugh. On Sundays I`ll probably play Playstation.

Photo acameronhuff

African Asian

When I heard humans origin from Africa I thought, wow, isn`t it amazing that every Asian looking went to the same place.

Photo Jeff McNeill

I`m shopping with CF today

We`re buying new ringtones to our dumbphones. I`m getting Crazy Night with Kiss
"It`s a crazy crazy crazy CRAZY NIGHT! UUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" I love that song. And I love my pajamas. Maybe I`ll buy a Tiger.., if the zoo is still open. F! Last time I was there they locked me in a cage. MF!

Photo moffoys

I want to go bird hunting with an UAV

With a real angry UAV. Then maybe rob a bank or something. I don`t know. Look! A fish. I gotta go.


Photo  U.S. Air Force

American hero


I consider myself a true American. Even though I`ve never been there, I`ve downloaded so many Hollywood film and eaten so much of their culture I don`t even remember my native language. That`s what I call an American hero. A true American hero. Today I watched An american movie by an American Asian director.

I consider going on a holiday to the states like coming home to the fatherland. You know, showing my respect. And you can tell how much they respect me by how much they tell me to cool down. It`s like my American cool transcends too other coolness. I`m like a multicultural cool. A cross cultural colio.

CAJ Agent

A dumb kid asked me if I was a CIA agent. I told him, douh... That`s ancient technology. I`m sure they wrote CIA with a typewriter. They wheren`t smart enough to come up with CAJ. That`s who I am. The personification of CAJ. I don`t have to pass any test to be a CAJ agent, I am CAJ. There`s no school for this. It`s in my body. I`m a natural born agent. Agent of CAJ. The CIA academy is like grammar school for me, no wait, kindergarden. Just look at my penis. See how big it is!

"Look up in the sky. It`s a bird. It`s a tree, no it`s my penis. with a stealth sperm to shoot through everything except the ladies."

I write my name with a smartphone. I don`t even know how to write by hand. Thats how hi-tech I am. I`m born in the computer age. I got electricity shooting out of my ass.

I`m important

I`m so important my vip card says mip -  most important person. I got my own mip room inside the vip room. I got a mip toilet. A mip mansion. My very own mip airport inside the airport.

This is my vip friends. I don`t have mip friends cause no one is as important as me. So I have to downgrade to socialise. I meet this guys on a bus in India. I never understood how I got there. They where smiling cause I held a gun. I tried to keep in touch with them, but they never accepted my friendship request on facebook. Neither did they learn English so they could write back to me. Friends can be so fake.

The reason I got the mip card is that the world federation of very important people could not fit enough v`s in my vip card. That`s why they invented the letter m.

Photo mynameisharsha 

This city needs me

I am needed to keep the streets safe from UFO`s. People have the weirdest fears. I have to take that fear and eat it. Show them that it`s nothing but a fart and that as long as I`m around there will be no alien invasion. Their afraid off me. Yeah, thats right. I`ve been to space. Been there, done that. There`s no way any of those  green girls are gonna show up in my neighbourhood. Earth is my street baby and I`m sweeping these streets for aliens. Aaaaaaaaaah!!

Photo massygo

You got to fight, for your right, to party

I placed this huge motherfucker next to my local basketball court. It`s my personal contribution to homeland security. Nobody messes with my basketball court.

Photo ahisgett

The Dog Whisperer

I like that jacket. It speaks to me. Nam nam. Unfortunately it only comes in human. I want the alien addition. 


It`s so boring typing with my fingertips. I`m trying my head.

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Much better!!!!!

I like old negro movies

But I didn`t know some of those black & white people where Chinese. How could I know? It was all black`n white. No colors. Which is weird cause there where plenty of colored people in those movies. 


Photo twm1340